The One in Which I Preach

I know that I am not in control of every aspect of my life.  There are areas that I can't be in control of and should not be in control of.  I always struggle with allowing God to be in control, and that is something that I will probably always struggle with.  If truth be told, who doesn't struggle in that area?  One area of my life that I feel I can have some modicum of control is in my home.  I can make sure we live in a clean, well-ordered house.  Or at least I think I can until some disaster strikes and we end up living in a mess that I can't do anything about.

I admit, I have completely and utterly failed in the patience department since my washer leaked all over my kitchen floor, and I am not proud of it.  My kids and my husband have born the brunt of my impatience, mood swings and general irritability.  I am sorry for that because none of them deserve to put up with me acting like that and I have been quietly reminded of it time and time again by some not so gentle nudging.

On Sunday, Ryan stayed home to wait for the contractors to check the moisture level in our house while I went to church.  I needed it.  I needed the time out of the house and I needed the sermon, which apparently was written for me.  It was a sermon about how we needed to be godly not normal in all that we do.  If we aren't the ones showing others godly behavior vs what is considered "normal" behavior than who is?  We are to do this in the way we talk, the way we think, act, and the way in which we treat others.  The godly path isn't exactly the easy path and God pointed out the ways in which I've messed up and the ways in which I'm still messing up.  It's never easy to look at one's flaws.

If that wasn't enough, God prodded me more yesterday at a ladies bible study.  The majority of the time was spent getting to know the other ladies in my group and 15 minutes of our time was a short lesson.  It might have been short, but the speaker sure packed a punch in it.  She likened the last two weeks in her life to an out-of-balance washing machine.  It makes a lot of noise, but doesn't get much done.  She confessed that she had been in a bad mood, mad with her husband and mad with her kids and she finally realized the common denominator was her, not them.  Then she encouraged us to meditate on Psalm 139:23-24.

Search me, O God, and know my heart,

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

That isn't easy to meditate on.  It's like praying for patience.  God quickly revealed all of the offensive in me and it is quite overwhelming.

I think my husband said it best.  Sure, our house is a mess, we don't know when it will be finished, but God has an ultimate plan.  The timing and reasons for this happening are in His plan, and we are too small to see what that may be at this point.  Some day we'll look back and we'll know His purpose.  Which is always easier said than done.