More Than a Glimpse, Part 2

I honestly didn't think it would take this long for me to write this post.  I thought, when I wrote the first post, that I would write a follow-up post soon after.  I thought about what to write, but I think it is hard to write something when you are living it everyday.  I'm not saying that Part 2 is completely over, but I am beginning to think that maybe I'm at the tail end of it and getting ready to move on to the next chapter.

After I was diagnosed with postpartum depression I read three books on the topic:

Down Came the Rain introduced me to the topic of postpartum depression and made me feel like I wasn't crazy.  It didn't provide me with much help beyond that, but what it did do was spur me on to look for books written by people from a Christian perspective.  The Lifter of My Head was an extreme case with the author spending time on the psych ward.  While I did suffer from suicidal thoughts, it didn't get bad enough for me to need to be committed anywhere.  I sought help and strength and I received those and much more.  If I were to recommend any of these books it would be the last book I read, Living Beyond Postpartum Depression. It is a book that can be read by anyone; the person going through the depression, the spouse, family, friends, etc.  It truly gives an insight on what is being battled, why, and ways in which one can seek help.

My life looks completely different now than it did six months ago, four months ago, or even a month ago.  I was acting better, treating my family better, interacting more and actually living life instead of wanting to disappear from it all.  Part of it was me making changes, but most of it was the medication.  When I forgot to take my medication it was very evident the next day.  I was irritable, impatient, and the horrible thoughts that used to plague me returned.  At some point during the day I would stop to reflect on what was the matter with me and realize that I was off my medication.  Some times it would overwhelm me.  It seemed like I would never be able to get off of my medication.  A few weeks ago I again forgot to take a pill.  It was the first time that I realized I had missed my pill not by my actions and attitudes, but because I saw my pill still sitting in the case.  It gave me hope; hope that I might be able to come off of the medication at some point in the future and be okay on my own.

Six months ago I would not have been able to handle all that is going on in my life.  Starting a business of my own would not even have occurred to me, it didn't.  The stress would have been too great.  Somewhere along the way God has provided healing and renewal.  I feel like a better person and I feel like pieces of me have been returned to me.  I have so many creative ideas floating around in my head it's almost overwhelming.  Overwhelming, yes, but a good kind of overwhelming.  I have interacted more with people, made new, lasting friendships, and reconnected with old friends.  I could barely interact with my kids and husband before.

And now... I'm beginning to see the light in my dark tunnel and I'm ready to feel the sunshine on my face.