Remember When...

Remember when an inflatable pool and three inches of water were all you needed to make it the best day ever?

Sometimes I miss those days...

Pondering

This morning I went to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned.  Exciting, I know.  I am not sure why dental hygienists feel like they need to have conversations.  It's awkward enough having someone invading your personal space without having to figure out how to answer their questions with their fingers in your mouth.

Today my hygienist, while very nice, was particularly chatty.  She wanted to know everything, where I am from, if I had kids, how old they were, what I did, how I met my husband.  You get the point.

Along the way she asked about where my parents lived, we talked about my brother's upcoming wedding, and then she asked... "Do you have any other brothers and sisters?"

I froze. 

Earlier when she asked about my parents and brother's wedding the thought crossed my mind that she may ask more questions, and I was hoping she wouldn't ask that seemingly innocuous question.  It's not that I don't want to talk about my brother.  I love talking about my brother and the opportunity to talk about him never comes up as much as I would like.  It's just that I don't like putting people in awkward situations and telling someone your brother is dead can be a bit awkward.

I told her I had two brothers.  One older, one younger.  Thankfully, she didn't ask anything more about them.  Maybe God knew I wasn't ready.

It still has me pondering how I should answer when in similar situations in the future.

I...

I... currently have a messy house.

I... am meditating on Ephesians 4:26.

I... am already thinking about going to sleep.

I... am loving the sounds of the kids interacting in the other room.

I... am currently reading this:

I... am happy to have a functioning phone again.

I... wonder what the replacement company will think about my milk/rice phone.

I... am loving Kellyn's new boots:

I... am thinking my day started way too early this morning and am wondering if 5am is not early enough for me to have time to myself.

I... am hoping the kids won't make waking up at 5:30 and 6:30am a daily occurrence.

I... am touched that Aric prayed for Uncle Ryan last night on his own accord.

I... am wondering if he will do it again tonight.

I... am looking forward to having dinner tomorrow night with some women.

I... am hoping I'll form new friendships out of it.

I... have to go put the kids in bed.

Blackberries and Milk

I am sure one day I will laugh at the image of returning from a short trip to the bathroom to find Kellyn sitting at the kitchen table dunking my Blackberry into a glass of milk like an Oreo...

...but it won't be until after I am able to forget that my Blackberry is currently sitting in a bowl of rice.

I took the phone into the cell phone store and the sales guy snickered at me when I told him what happened.  He told me to stick it in a bowl of rice, but also said milk = not much hope. The replacement phone is on it's way, but will take a few days to arrive.  In the meantime, I feel a bit naked with out my phone.

Amish Nursery

On Saturday the kids and I took a day trip with a family friend to an Amish nursery about an hour away.  I enjoyed the trip out into the country and really liked the nursery.  The plants were lush, the flowers vibrant and I will definitely plan to head back next year when we need plants.  I am even half considering making a trip there sometime later this summer during berry picking season.

The kids enjoyed the nursery, too.  One of the highlights of their day was the pen of baby goats kept in one of the greenhouses.  One of the employees even came by and freed a goat for the kids to play with.  It kept them preoccupied while we looked at the plants.

Sun and Sand

Today the temperature is supposed to be in the mid-90's.  It seems a little extreme for Kansas in early May, but since we have no control over the weather we do the best we can.  This morning the kids and I went outside to play while it was still semi-cool.

We were out for a couple of hours before we were too hot and sandy to keep playing.  Maybe tonight after dinner it will cool down enough for us to venture back outdoors.

Having Curb Appeal

We are well on our way to having some curb appeal.  For the past month we have worked hard to make the front of our home more inviting.  When we moved in we had a row of mums across the front of the house.  Boring.

Our front door was white.  Boring.

I wanted interest, pizazz.  I wanted it to look like we actually like our home, like we actually care about our home.  We do like it, we do care about it, and we're trying to put our stamp on it.

The plants have been in for three or four weeks now and all of them are doing well.  We had some spring rains to help water them in and they are definitely thriving.  The grass... well, that's not doing so well.  It will be a longer project, though.  We have to spend the summer killing the grubs and other bugs that have been killing it and then this fall we'll have to put down new seed.  We have someone who has been advising us.  Hopefully it will work.

The front door is now cranberry. Not so boring anymore.

For Mother's Day my thoughtful husband children gave me two blue hydrangeas.  I knew just where to put them:

We planned to dig a garden in along the side of our house.  It was kind of boring and ugly and visible from the road.  We weren't in too much of a hurry.  The project was moved up a bit since the hydrangeas needed a new home.

The odd bare spots of dirt with no mulch were left on purpose.  I planted somewhere around 7000 columbine seeds there.  I hope some of them come up, but I'm not hoping all 7000 of them do.  That many columbines might be a bit overkill.  If they do, I guess I'll be looking for other places to transplant them.

Hand-Me Downs

I am a firm believer in hand-me downs.  It's practical and I like to be practical.  Sometimes.  I see no reason that Kellyn can't wear shorts, pants, coats and pajamas that Aric has outgrown.  I try to make sure she has feminine shirts and shoes to counter-balance whatever she might be wearing that used to be Aric's.  I actually kind of prefer to have her in some of the boy's shorts and pants rather than some of the shorter, tighter cuts that are more common for girls.

Today Kellyn claimed something of Aric's on her own:

Boots and shorts, you say?  Well, she does get her fashion sense from her big brother.

Nice Hat

Having a fair-haired child means we have to pay extra attention to sun protection when we're outside.  Thankfully we have a daughter who really seems to enjoy wearing hats. 

Square Foot Gardening

This is our first year to try a vegetable garden.  Since we don't have a large area of yard that we wanted to devote to a garden, we're starting small and using ideas from this book.  Ryan built two 4x4 boxes above the ground and filled them with a mixture of dirt and manure.

Today the kids and I went with a friend to an Amish nursery to buy our plants.  After a few hiccups in the planting process, a certain young man had to be taught that digging up freshly planted plants was not the best idea in the world, we have everything in the ground and now we wait.

I'll let you know how it works out.  Maybe if it goes well we'll expand next year.

Facebook

Actual phone conversation from today:

Me: Hello?

Ryan: Are we getting a divorce?

Me: Um, no. Why?

Ryan: I just got a message saying you deleted our anniversary on Facebook.

Me: Oh.  No, I just read an article about identity theft on Facebook and it recommended deleting dates from your profile.  So I did.

Ryan:  Okay, just checking.

And that is one of many ways Facebook gets people in trouble.

I Have THAT Child

This morning I opened my inbox and the daily devotional waiting for me made me laugh.  It was about my child.

 I love my kids, but I haven’t always liked being a mom.

Once my boys became toddlers who wouldn’t listen to me or do what I told them, I kind of panicked. I looked around at other moms who seemed to know what they were doing and wondered, “What is wrong with me?”

Their children seemed to listen when they told them no. Why wouldn’t my child keep his hands to himself or stay in the cart at the grocery store? Why did he not understand when I told him I could not buy everything his little hand could touch? And how come no one told me that being a mom would be so hard?
 
Yes, my child is currently the one that tries to wiggle out of the shopping cart restraints and screams at the top of her lungs when we are in the store.  I'm not embarrassed by it, but I still have moments of utter defeat when I can't think of the best way to handle the situation.  Raising my voice doesn't seem to help and Kellyn has a mind of her own.  Everyday she reminds me that she'll be turning 2 this fall.  At almost 19 months she's already embarking on the terrible twos.  Which wouldn't seem so bad except her older brother decided he wanted to leave the age of two by going through the terrible twos again.
 
Somedays I feel like I'm at my wit's end wanting to pull my hair out.  Somedays I just want a do-over because I feel like I've failed at being a mom.  I keep chugging along, though, like The Little Engine that Could.  As a mom, what else can you do?
 
Unfortunately, the devotional never explained the best method of dealing with the screaming acrobat in the shopping cart while in the middle of the store without causing other shoppers to call Child Protective Services.  So, I'll keep chugging along, taking it one day at a time, all while trying to figure out how to explain to a 19 month old that if she doesn't sit in the cart like the sweet, little girl I know she can be she'll never make it to the age of 2.

Casualties

Last year when my brother died I didn't handle it well.  I'll be the first to admit it, but when you're in the middle of grief, big life changes and just trying to manage your responsibilities, I think it would be difficult for anyone to manage.  There were days that it was hard to get out of bed, hard to put one foot in front of the other and hard to see the joy in life.

During this time, I truly had to guard myself in relationships and I put up walls to deal with life and to protect myself.  Unfortunately, some of those walls went up in front of friends and friendships were put on hold because I didn't have the strength to give anything of myself to anyone. 

I found out today that sometimes things can't be taken back.  Sometimes cutting off communication from someone means you'll never repair that friendship; a friendship that probably wasn't really worth having if it couldn't stand through the hard times. The thing is I feel no guilt about it.  I think it was a hard lesson to learn and I feel naive for trying to call, but I have no regrets for cutting off communication with someone who brought unnecessary drama into my life.

If I have unwittingly made my friendship with you a casualty of the past year, I would like to say, "I'm sorry" and it makes me sad.  To the rest of you, I finally feel like I'm reaching a point where I want to break down the walls I've built and poke my head out of my shell.  Thank you for waiting on me.