Last year when my brother died I didn't handle it well. I'll be the first to admit it, but when you're in the middle of grief, big life changes and just trying to manage your responsibilities, I think it would be difficult for anyone to manage. There were days that it was hard to get out of bed, hard to put one foot in front of the other and hard to see the joy in life.
During this time, I truly had to guard myself in relationships and I put up walls to deal with life and to protect myself. Unfortunately, some of those walls went up in front of friends and friendships were put on hold because I didn't have the strength to give anything of myself to anyone.
I found out today that sometimes things can't be taken back. Sometimes cutting off communication from someone means you'll never repair that friendship; a friendship that probably wasn't really worth having if it couldn't stand through the hard times. The thing is I feel no guilt about it. I think it was a hard lesson to learn and I feel naive for trying to call, but I have no regrets for cutting off communication with someone who brought unnecessary drama into my life.
If I have unwittingly made my friendship with you a casualty of the past year, I would like to say, "I'm sorry" and it makes me sad. To the rest of you, I finally feel like I'm reaching a point where I want to break down the walls I've built and poke my head out of my shell. Thank you for waiting on me.
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