Crossroads

**My husband pointed out that "I'm dumb" and wrote that we use disposable diapers not cloth diapers. What can I say, I was tired!

**Thanks to everyone who has commented, called or e-mailed me. I really feel your support! And I don't feel bad anymore that I'm not planning on making homemade babyfood. Gerber will work just fine for us for awhile!

Here’s a little update, since I’ve been remiss in saying anything sooner. Ryan went back to work last week. They have hired him back on in a temporary position. This time we are aware that his job ends sometime in January. To be on the safe side, he has applied for four different positions with the same company. It’s such a relief to have him employed again!

…And Ryan was able to turn in his Army packet on time! Well, actually, he was given two extensions because he was having so many problems getting his release paperwork signed by his National Guard unit. We really left this to God. We could’ve driven ourselves crazy with worry (and we did a little), because it seemed so hopeless to get his paperwork turned in on time. It has been so neat to watch God line things up and see this paperwork go through the system in a month and a half. We have been told that normally this paperwork takes anywhere from three to six months to travel through the National Guard chain of command. Now we wait... Ryan won’t hear anything until November 21st on whether they want him to go back into the Army or not. We are very optimistic. We have heard that he is one of sixty candidates and the only one who has any background education related to the field. And if this doesn’t work out, then we know God has some other path for us to take. Right now we’re just trusting in Him.

I am at a crossroads. It’s not even that big of a deal, but it really hit me today when I was in the grocery store. Eventually when Aric is old enough and capable of eating more foods, I plan on using a baby food grinder and feeding him whatever we are eating. I thought that before this time arrived I would prepare his food, puree it and freeze it. He would have a freezer full of home cooked baby food instead of jars of Gerber. Now, I’m rethinking the time and effort that would have to go into all of that homemade, pureed, frozen baby food. I think I am exhausted, overspent and in need of things to be easy. My wakeup call- Tuesday at 1am Aric woke up to eat. I changed him, brought him back to our bed, fed him and carried him back to his room where I laid him on his changing table. Half asleep, I realized that I hadn’t put him in his crib. It scared me. What if I hadn’t realized my mistake and left him on the changing table? He could’ve rolled off and hurt himself and it would’ve been my fault. I realized I’m dangerously exhausted. I already make laundry soap, use disposable diapers, and breastfeed. Is it really going to make a huge difference if I buy jars of Gerber until he reaches the point where we can use the baby food grinder? Is it going to make me a bad mother? I don’t think it will affect him one way or another in the grand scheme of things.

Anyone want the two sweet potatoes I bought today to cook? I’m sure not going to eat them!