You can always tell when I'm busy or not feeling well, my blog entries significantly drop. Lately I've been busy with a garage sale, yard work, gardening, sewing, kids, and any other number of activities. That was my excuse for the last month and a half; before that I was not feeling well.
I thought I was doing well. It's humbling to write about how well things are going and in a matter of weeks have the whole train derail. Ryan was gone for most of the month of February. He had business trips that took him away; leaving me at home to deal with the kids, house and life. I didn't handle it well. At all. I started to feel guilty, I had no patience and no idea what was going on. I knew something wasn't right, though.
Everyone I talked to thought it was just a difficult month with Ryan gone, my brother's birthday, winter time, etc. I questioned almost everyone who called my house for their opinion on why I was feeling the way that I did. One of my flaws is that I tend to think I need someone else to validate my opinions and feelings. It's not a good trait to have since it delays me from taking action on my own.
I felt like my medicine wasn't working. I had no energy, I was irritable with my husband and kids, and I felt like a failure. In my gut I knew that I was feeling the way that I had before I started taking medicine. I knew that things were bad and something was wrong, but because of my need for validation I delayed making a doctor's appointment.
Finally after one of many arguments on the phone with Ryan, we decided that I should make a doctor's appointment. In early March Ryan went with me to the doctor's office. That's where we learned that sometimes the body will adapt to the medication and the dosage will no longer be effective. The doctor increased my dosage. The next day I noticed an improvement in the way I was feeling. I felt like myself again. Unfortunately the side effects returned and I slept the next month away.
It took awhile for me to feel like myself again. Since having my medicine changed I have joined a gym, which definitely helps me feel better both physically and mentally. I feel better and I have resumed my normal activities, but I know the road ahead of me is still a long one. My depression went untreated for so long that I really did a number on my body and it will take awhile for it to heal.
I don't relish sharing such intimate details about myself. I much prefer my privacy, but I feel led to share this part of my story. Maybe my story will give someone else the courage to get help, or an empathy towards someone walking down this road.
No comments:
Post a Comment